Entries Tagged as 'Spiritual Growth'

Are We Attached to Our Suffering?

I think most people would deny that they are addicted in some way to their pain, to their painful story. I also know that these same people will be appalled when they wake up to the fact that they truly are in some way, enchanted with, even in love with their pain. Eckhart Tolle speaks volumes on this topic and it is very important reading. We form an identity out of our pain and painful stories, a miserable one, but at least we get the (false) comfort of a sense of self.

What happens when this identity starts to melt down? Hopefully this melt down occurs while we are healthy and have a lot of life ahead of us. Are we ready to let go? Can we tolerate the feeling of “no solid ground” beneath our feet as Pema Chodron puts it? Who are we, if not this person who suffers? Are we truly ready to allow ourselves and our lives to be less painful? Or must we hold on tightly to our miserable identity and continue to create pain because that’s “who I am” or “how life is”?

I know I have experienced the entire range of emotion imaginable around this. Sometimes, when the frost melts, a sadness arises, even a great sadness, as we are called forth to let go of something that has been dear to us, our pain. A poem was inspired through me about this, I felt to share it.

A Great Sadness

by Ralph of the BeyondtheMind.org Blog

A great sadness wells up within me,
I know, I must say goodbye
Not to a great lover or friend

I must leave it behind,
The dream,
The bittersweet story

Where I’m going,
I cannot take it with me,
You were a friend

Thank you for all
That you have given,
I’m sorry for when I hurt you

I won’t forget you, but
Now, I must go,
Alone

Without that dream,
Of who I thought I was,
A great sadness wells up within me

While a great Light
Is dawning

My friend, stay alert, that light is dawning within you too. It’s ok to mourn the self we thought we were, it deserves a place in our great halls of remembrance.

In Stillness,
Ralph

Egg Peeling Satori

Probably the most profound moment of my life was spent peeling an egg while at breakfast in the Dining Room of Spirit Rock Meditation Center.  A very important teacher of mine once said that one of the most ecstatic moments of his life was spent watching ants crawling across a trail in the woods.  In the stillness of Being, everyday life reveals its true nature - as the miraculous. 

Many of us have had moments like these.  The softness in our lovers eyes, the way the grass and trees sway in the wind, the sound of a bird chirping that wakes us out of our enchantment with our minds latest concern.  Nothing is ordinary, nothing is special.  Everything is both completely ordinary and special.

It is the very seeking of specialness that makes everything feel dull, the very seeking of happiness that keeps us unhappy.  What is sacred?  Nothing, and everything.  As my teacher said, if you can’t feel bliss in the Safeway parking lot you can’t feel bliss anywhere. 

What we seek requires the searching itself to be abandoned to be found.  Give up now before it’s too late and you will be forced to.  As Adyshanti says “No Manipulation”.  Can you let yourself be exactly as you are?  Can you let your life, your experience now just be as it is?    There is no better version of you or your life than the one right here and now.  This moment right now is the most important one of your life, don’t miss it.  You just might find the inherent ecstasy in the so called mundane that way.  Who could be wealthier than you?
 

If You’re Not in Awe, You Must Not Be Paying Attention

This is my answer to the bumper sticker “If You’re Not Outraged You Must Not Be Paying Attention”.

I’m not suggesting there aren’t things to be outraged by in this life, and especially in this modern age when our overgrown clever minds have now brought us to the brink of extinction. Are we really so intelligent? hmmm, I think not…

True intelligence is about much more than our minds. The fullness of who we are must participate for true intelligence to be present, and that means our hearts, bodies, our spiritual nature, our very essence. Intellect without this is more dangerous than anything else as we can readily see by just looking around at the condition the planet is in. The Dalai Lama has observed this in our culture, that our minds have far outpaced our hearts. This imbalance will not bear fruit for any of us.

But to insist that if one is really paying attention they must be outraged is more lack of true intelligence. There are injustices and outrageous things happening and we can make strides towards correcting them, but not if we’re outraged. If we try to do “good” things from a place of outrage we only create more outrage in this world.

And, truly, when one pays deep attention to the now, much deeper than the very superficial layer of what appears to be going on, one will be in awe, in awe of the vastness of reality, awe of the miracle of being alive. Beyond that, when one truly pays attention one will see there is no problem right now. From this place of peace and gratitude and “nothing wrong” we can all be much more effective in the world. We add beauty to the world, not more suffering. If you really care about the planet, this will be your first aim, as Gandhi said, and I paraphrase, “Be the Change You Want to See in the World”

Much Love,

Ralph

Omni Tasking

Show me a man who is completely present to whatever he is doing, and I’ll show you a man who is free.  Show me that woman who is at one with whatever is going on NOW in her life and I’ll show you a woman who is free, no matter the circumstances.

Our manic culture worships the ability to do multiple things at once, and the more things you can do at once the more of a modern age kung fu master of life you are.  We have made an idol of unconsciousness.  The last one to get to the end of their lives without showing up for any of it is a rotten egg.  The true revolution of our time will not be a revolution AGAINST SOMETHING but a merging WITH EVERYTHING. 

This morning as I was shaving I noticed myself thinking of some things to do with the future, this is not an uncommon observation of my own mind.  It struck me, as it has so many times before, “Do I think I’m being oh so efficient by planning while I’m shaving?”  Aren’t I slick, working on the next moment in this moment.  How unoriginal.  So, as is my practice in all of life I returned to inhabit fully my present moment experience of shaving.  I decided maybe I’m NOT “too good” or “too intelligent” to waste my time being present to something as mundane as shaving.

Of course, as I fully inhabit my present experience, as I am right now as I write this I am free.  There is no one wealthier or more free than me right now, typing this words, in total presence.  So, my friend, won’t you lower the flag of multi tasking once and for all and raise the flag of Omni Tasking?

“But I’m too busy to do one thing at a time, if I did only one thing at a time and was completely present with it, nothing would get taken care of!”  Your clever ego will never run out of excuses to forsake the now.  The choice is yours, not your egos, do you want a quality life, in which you find richness and profundity in the simplest of things?  Or do you want to rush through your life, and miss the entire thing, not even able to really enjoy the most majestic moments? 

You can begin your revolution in small things.  Start today, pick one thing you do every day, and devote it forever to your full presence.  Showers are a good place to start, from now on, decide as you are showering you will not let your mind wander off, you will be fully, intensely present.  Your next shower just might be the first shower you’ve ever really taken!

Once you have mastered the art of showering in total presence pick something else, maybe doing the dishes, or exercising.  One by one, devote things like this to full presence and in NO TIME your entire life will take on a richness you could never have imagined possible.

Every Day is Christmas and Every Night is New Years Eve

…ah yes, the sweet words of SADE, and they point to something I want to discuss ~ how we allow the cycles of time to rob of us our inherent joy NOW.  I touched upon this already in my entry What Time Can I Be Happy Today?

If we are truly committed to awakening there are things we can do to accelerate that process.  On the deepest level there is no where to go, nothing to become but to have this kind of experience as a felt reality some commitment is required on our part.  One way we can do this is to set traps for ourselves.  One approach is to set our watches to chime hourly and to use that chime as a bell of mindfulness.  We will be caught “off guard” by the chime, we can use that opportunity to see what trip we might have been running, unconsciously.  We can use it to notice the sensations in our body, taking of note of ways we may be holding tension unnecessarily.

If any of you have been watching the class with Eckhart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey you may have noticed there are some message boards related to his book.  I started a thread on this board along these lines called Using Time to Step Out of Time. My dream is to see hundreds of thousands, even millions of people devoted enough to their own awakening that they will use the hourly chime feature on their watches as a device to remember, to remember themselves, to remember presence and the depth of who we truly are.  In this way, truly, every day can feel like Christmas, and every night, like New Years Eve … Won’t YOU join us?


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What If Everything Is Perfect?

My friend, it is not reality that is the problem.

It is the lenses through which most of us view reality that is the “problem”.  And it really isn’t an issue of “problem” so much as it is one of skillful versus unskillful.  Skill in what?  Skill in living, in living joyfully, in being free, truly free.

We are trained in so many skills in our schools and Universities, but rarely are we given skills for living well, for being truly free.  This is perhaps because very few of us are truly free, so it is, in a sense, the blind leading the blind.  This is why I have always sought after teachers who seemed the most realized to me and in this pursuit I have been very lucky to sit with more than a few of them.  In their presence you will be given, wordlessly, the transmission you need to see without using any lenses.  Because, in it’s nakedness, it’s rawness, it’s fierce beauty, reality, as it is right now, is completely perfect.

Those who have crossed over, to the other side, as Buddha did, see this truth of reality.  Perhaps the most eloquent description of this truth from someone who experiences it fully is in the book Facets of Unity by A.H. Almaas, a contemporary spiritual teacher who I have had the great pleasure of sitting with for many years.  In this wonderful book he describes many truths of reality including Holy Truth, Holy Omniscience, Holy Transparency, Holy Will, Holy Freedom, Holy Perfection, Holy Wisdom, Holy Work, Holy Plan, Holy Origin, Holy Love, Holy Strength, Holy Faith, Holy Harmony, Holy Law and Holy Hope.   You are in good hands with any book from Hameed (A.H. Almaas is his pen name).

But I bring up this truth of the perfection of reality to explore something specific with you.  You don’t have to believe me or Hameed or anyone that reality is perfect as it is.  I’m sure it will stir up lots of “what abouts” out there such as “oh ya, if reality is perfect than what about rape, murder, wars, pollution, etc…”   That’s fine to ask this, it is a sign that you have a pulse.  My answer to the “what abouts” is a “what if”.  If you are being overtaken with “what abouts” with this writing then I submit humbly and lovingly to you “what if reality was much more mysterious than our puny everyday minds are able to comprehend and in light of that, your what about this, that and the other thing is coming from an insufficiently informed place”.  As Gandalf says in Lord of the Rings – “Even the wisest cannot see all ends”.  Even the wisest don’t have the BIG picture, this might be a good time for a humility check.

So, for this exploration I want you to suspend your sentence on this idea that everything is perfect and just believe it anyway for a few minutes.  So, here we go.  If everything is perfect, then what is there to do?  What is there to think about?  How would you conduct your life if everything was already perfect?  If you notice your mind finding fault with things, passing judgement like it does, you would have to admit that it is your thinking that is wrong, not reality.  And, you would also have to admit that your thinking being wrong is also part of the perfection of reality.  So, in a sense, the street saying “it’s all good” is about the wisest 3 words out there. 

That’s right amigos – it IS all good.  So, if you catch yourself thinking you know better you would have to admit that you don’t, reality knows better, and the fact that you think you know better is ok too.  Reality doesn’t care what you think of believe.  If you catch yourself finding fault with yourself, you would have to admit that the fault is with your thinking, and the fact that your thinking is off is ok too.  Try this on for a few days or hours or better yet, the rest of your life.  You might notice that the shoe fits quite nicely.

Peace


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What is This Deepness?

What is this deepness?  this aching longing in the center of my chest?  …can you feel it too, my friend?

Bono says “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” – thank you brother.  Have YOU found what you’re looking for my brother or sister who is reading this right now? 

The masters tell us that we are what we seek, that we are already at the destination, but can you feel it?  Have you arrived?  No.   I dare to guess that in that deep place within yourself you have to admit that you haven’t arrived.  I gaze downward; I am in, inside myself as I mourn this with you.  It feels good to mourn this.

Buddha taught us about the cycle of suffering, the many wheels we get on.  There are many of these Merry Go Rounds, better to call them Suffering-Go-Rounds.  It is good to identify which ones are your favorites and here’s why – you can get offof them once you know you’re on them.  One of my favorite authors Anthony De Mello in his great book Awareness The Way to Love talks about attachment and the circular Suffering Go Round that goes like this: Attraction, Pleasure, Attachment, Fulfillment, Satisfaction, Boredom, then back to Attraction we go.  Hmmm, we like the attraction part, the pleasure part, the fulfillment part, and the satisfaction part, what’s wrong with this?  I might like this Suffering Go Round, better than a poke in the eye, right?  Maybe…

Let’s walk through an obvious example.  I see a woman I’m attracted to, she likes me too, how nice.  We start seeing each other; we give each other pleasure, even nicer.  I like this, she does too, hmmm, I’m feeling a little attached now, things are starting to glow.  This feels good and I’m a simple guy so I go for it.  I let myself be attached.  But I am more than attached now, I am even fulfilled and satisfied, I’ve got it bad.  Then, how long does it take?  Doesn’t matter really.  Eventually hell sets in, hell can be boredom, disenchantment, whatever.  We’ve all gone down this road many times, and many of us are looking to go down it again.  Can another person, or anything outside of ourselves really satisfy our hearts in a permanent way?  No, but you need to find that out for yourself.  Good news though - cheating is allowed, you can fast forward this DVD, or you can keep looking for the other person, thing or situation that will, at last, satisfy that ache in your heart.  Good luck my friend because you will need it.

What most of us don’t know is there is a deeper joy, more like bliss and the deepest peace and it is totally, perfectly satisfying. 

Getting there might require some unpleasantness, but there is no amount of suffering that is not worth it.   A first step is we have to SEE that whatever Suffering Go Round we are on will never satisfy us in a deep way.  We have to see this deeply and clearly.  Then, we have to let go of the dream.  Letting go of the fairy tales hurts.  Every rite of passage hurts somewhere in us.  But where we are going, we can’t bring our illusions.  Buddha talks about the “sure hearts release” -  that inner discovery that satisfies the heart completely.  I have tasted this, I have had sneak previews of it, many of you have too and I am now forever ruined because of it.  I am happily ruined for all that is false, for all the seductions of this life that won’t deliver.  This is the journey that I invite you to join me in, may we all be ruined in this way.

The Secret to True Wealth

I am going to tell you about a get rich quick method that works so instantaneously it will blow your mind and it doesn’t matter the tiniest bit what your financial state is like at the moment.  You can become wealthier than the richest man alive in this very moment and in every moment of your life.  That’s because true wealth has absolutely nothing to do with how much money you have.  Some of the financially wealthiest people on the planet FEEL very impoverished.  It is not at all uncommon for very wealthy people to feel that they don’t have enough, always wanting more, indeed they can be some of the most miserable ungrateful people alive.  They can’t enjoy their money, they can’t say YES to life, they can only see what’s wrong with everything.  Of course, poverty striken people can also be like this, and they are equally as poor as these financially wealthy poor people.

True wealth is the feeling of gratitude.  This is not some airy fairy new age hype.  Don’t kid yourself, true wealth has to do with gratitude and love and absolutely nothing to do with money.   I am trying to save you a lot of time and energy here so try to take this to heart my friend.  I work with some very wealthy people who suffer so much and are very paranoid about their money being taken away from them and also with financially challenged people who are completely relaxed about money and very grateful for what little they have, they are the wealthier ones by far. 

My dearest and wisest friend Manda and I were actually discussing this the other day.  I was telling her if I could only teach a child one thing it would be gratitude.   Why?  Because I would know that no matter what this child has to face throughout the rest of his life he will be fine because he knows how to be grateful.  He sees what’s RIGHT in every moment, not what’s wrong.  He says YES to his life, even when things hurt or he doesn’t get what he thinks he wants, he knows how to say YES.  If nothing else he can always lay back on the soft grass of simple gratitude.  Gratitude that he can breathe, that he is alive, that he has all his limbs, that he can see and hear and smell and love and laugh and cry.  He can be grateful for his “non toothache” as the great Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Monk, teacher, author and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh says.  This child is and always will be eternally wealthy because he has mastered the attitude of gratitude.

And gratitude won’t just make you instantaneously wealthy internally but in time, as you practice it more and more you may notice things starting to get better for you financially and otherwise.  This is common spiritual knowledge, gratitude attracts good stuff to you.  Watch The Secret if you haven’t seen it yet.  In this film I believe a man discusses how he developed a practice of saying what he was grateful for every day and reports the miracles that started to happen in his life as a result. 

It’s not always as easy as that of course.  Gratitude, like any other natural, inherent spiritual quality can be blocked in people for various reasons.  It is in our true nature to always be completely grateful for everything.  It’s great to develop a practice of intentionally being grateful every day but it can be even more rich to explore why it is not already naturally occurring within you.  This is the kind of issue I love to work on with people because it can lead to some real immediate results in terms of their happiness level. 

It can be very hard for some people to feel gratitude.  Those who come from a family background in which misery loved company is one example.  Complaining and being negative was probably a way of getting attention and therefore love for them.  The squeaky wheel gets the oil.  They believe “If I am miserable and suffering then someone will feel sorry for me and love me”.  Their ego structure blocks feelings of gratitude because they equate it emotionally with being all alone and abandoned.  They unconsciously believe that if they feel grateful, then people will see that they’re fine and won’t give them any attention.  If being miserable equals getting love for a person then miserable they will remain.  It can be very fruitful to unpack this kind of thing with people.  In time, quite naturally, gratitude may start to shine through.  The horizon is becoming pink and purple, their heart is preparing to rise.  These are some of the most rewarding moments for me in my work.

Another important thing is that gratitude needs the fertile soil of humility to thrive in.  You cannot have one without the other.  Jesus said the meek shall inherit the earth.  I believe this is what he meant in part, that those with humility have gratitude and are therefore wealthy.  So my friend, my wish for you is that you can find the natural gratitude within you in each moment, so your heart can rise and shine for all of us.  The world needs this from you.

In Love,

Ralph

Do You Like What You See?

When you look in the mirror do you like what you see?

I am talking about an actual mirror but also about the mirror that reflects back to you your inner life?  Do you like what you see about your emotional life, your mental life, your spiritual life, your soul life?

I hope so, I hope that you can smile uopn all of it, the “full catastrophe” as Zorba put it so eloquently.  Yes, I hope you can do this, this is true spiritual wisdom in action, this is true tantra.  The little half smile of Quan Yin upon everything, with a heart as wide as the universe…

The average coach or counselor might suggest making a list of things you disapprove of in these mirrors, a nice list of things you want to improve about yourself that you can use to ask periodically “what step can I take today, small or large, towards improving this or that, or towards reaching this or that goal?”  I take a different approach.  It might be good to make such a list of the things you don’t like about yourself or things you’d like to improve about yourself, that’s fine.  Then I suggest you take that list and burn it, or use it as a paper airplane or as toilet paper.  It’ll be of more use to you in these ways.

My friend, the real issue is not to do with all these ideas you have about how you’re not good enough right now or how you could be an even better version of yourself right now.  The real issue is that the way you might be using this list robs you of the only peace that is ever possible, the peace that comes from being content and satisfied NOW.  The fact that you have this constant, ever changing list is not a “problem” per se, but it does mean you are probably never really happy or relaxed.  You are not at peace with yourself or your life as long as this list exists to remind you of what’s “wrong”.

Here might be a more skillful and fruitful exercise - make this very same list and then ask yourself daily “How can I take a small or large step today towards learning to accept this or that about myself today?”  I can suggest a few ways to proceed.  One way is to try to notice your own humanity, notice that you are an innocent being trying to make it on this strange planet during this strange time to be here.  Notice that you are doing the very best you can.  Perhaps some compassion will arise, towards yourself.  Let this wash over you if it does, let this release you from the hell you have created for yourself by not loving yourself completely.

Another way might be to notice how you judge other people for the very same thing you judge yourself for.  Can you see that they are only human and doing their very best?  For some people it’s easier to have compassion for others than for themselves.  If that sounds like you then this might be a better approach.  If some compassion for the other arises, feel it for them, let it wash over them and release them from the curse of your judgement.  Now, can you let some of that compassion wash over you?  If not, why can you afford them this healing but not give it to yourself?

In time, my wish for you is that you will burn that list because you no longer resent yourself for not being what your mind thinks you need to be to be OK, this is the land beyond the mind.  Rumi talks about this land

Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing
There is as field
I’ll meet you there

If you really want to save the planet, save yourself.  Becoming one more human being on this planet who knows how to really love himself or herself adds one more person to the planet who also knows how to really love others.  This is the beginning of real freedom, peace and harmony, may it be yours, now.

I am here to help you on this journey if you so desire it.

Peace

Divided and Conquered

This is the normal condition for most people - divided internally and consequently conquered.  Conquered in the sense that there is very little harmony within, there is ineffectiveness, indecisiveness, inner turmoil.  Even the part of us that wants to be free from this suffering is part of the cause of the condition itself. 

This reminds me of a great line from an old Sting song  Consider Me Gone - “the search for perfection is all very well, but to look for heaven, is to live here in hell”.  Thank you Sting, that would sum up very nicely the point I try to make in almost every blog entry I write.

Anyway, back to this divided self.  Almost all spiritual, meditative disciplines attempt to address this condition.  There are also various therapeutic schools of thought designed to contend with it.  For example Gestalt therapy frequently employs a method of creating a dialogue between various parts of the self.  Internal Family Systems therapy is another form that takes a similar approach to the various selves within us.  There are many more. 

This is not a new understanding, the fact that our personalities consist of a fragmentation of sub selves, each with often times very different attitudes, beliefs and agendas has been known for a long time.  Many times one self will sound a lot like mother and another a lot like father.  But there are invariably many more selves than that.

These modern forms of therapy believe, as I do, that if we can get these parts of the self talking to each other, maybe we can forge some understanding between them, possibly even make some agreements and compromises amongst them to act harmoniously, as a whole.  This alone would be great progress for most people.  In many cases certain parts do not communicate at all to other parts, we are closer to schizophrenia in this case, but all ego is schizophrenic to some degree.

Of course, there is another level to all of this.  There is a matter of ultimate importance.  Amidst all the ideas, hopes and dreams we might have about being a better version of ourselves or having a better present moment something is occurring - the actual present moment is happening to the actual you, HERE NOW.  If you can’t be here for this NOW you won’t be able to be “there” for the “then” you are holding your breath for.  And if you can’t love and accept the actual you here and now, you won’t be able to accept and love the improved version of yourself that seems so important to attain.  The search for perfection never ends because the one searching does not know how to feel satisfied.

There is a way out.  The way we can immediately remove this divided, conquered condition is to be IMMEDIATELY here.  The word immediacy is a good one for describing this quality of presence.  We become total, there is no space between ourselves and our experience.  We can become one with how we feel, with the sounds in the room, the smells, the sensations in our bodies, even the accompanying liking or disliking of what is and the constant commentary/thinking process on top of it all.  Everything is OK in this oneness, there is no longer any problem, no more turmoil.  Suffering needs the fertile soil of division, fragmentation and separatness to thrive in.  You can escape this suffering.

Instead of being divided and conquered you can be ONE and LIBERATED!  But you cannot have this in the future my friend, you can only have it NOW.  Won’t you join me?

Peace and Happy New Year,

Ralph